What I Am Doing Part 6

Beginning to End

For Parts 1- 5 see previous posts on making this painting.

So here is the painting from beginning to end. I'm supplying a bit of a narrative about what happened in each stage. This painting was was not "thought" out, but each move was a response to what was there. In the narrative I'm describing what I see from looking at the photo of the stage.

There was no real plan, except to respond to the initial colour choices and marks made haphazardly at the beginning.

Stage 1: a painting I was not happy with that I decided to paint over:

Stage 2: I chose and mixed some colour to start with and covered as much as the first painting as I needed to in order to start fresh and loose.

 Stage 3: I brought in some warmer colour to give it more life.

Stage 4: more warm colour black, white and grey. More graphic/drawn elements.

Stage 5: Calm it down bring it together, cover some of the black and the red with grey, and white, bring up some of the yellow.

Stage 6: Bring in blue, calm down the reds and orange, bring it all together even more by breaking up the black more.

Stage 7: Bring it way down in brightness, bring in finer graphic elements. See what happens, then go from there.

Stage 8:  Warm up the cold yellows, liven up some of the dull parts to bring back life and movement.

What I Am Doing Part 4

Losing my nerve:

Feels like I'm going off on a wild fling with this painting. Please see the previous 3 blog posts about the process of painting this to see thoughts about and photos of the earlier stages.

When I looked at yesterday's stage these were some of my thoughts, "don't lose your nerve, it can fail, you can start again". "hmm, pushing it back with line", "it's too pretty", it's too wishy washy","too much or not enough?", "are those dull ugly bits good or bad?" "more graphic elements" "break up that black more, too awkward", "more grey to calm down the brightness"

For awhile I felt like I was losing my nerve because of my complete lack. Then it occurred to me I don't care, it's a search, every painting is a university course.

I'm going to let it sit and dry so that I can go back into it. Stay tuned, another post in a few days. I might have to do something drastic to it! I'm thinking, feeling kinda horrible about it right now. But, excited at the same time.

Today it has come to this.  The title that's running through my head is "All the Answers". I photographed it outdoors because I couldn't stand the glare any more and since it's not raining today:

What I Am Doing Part 3

Following up on the previous 2 posts here is where I am today with this painting.

Yesterday's painting session I left off with this:

Stage 4, painting in progress, where I left off yesterday

It's lively, and unfinished. When I looked at it today, my thoughts and feelings went something like this. "quiet it down" "remember the use of grey and white" "look at some of the other paintings in this series to see how you might do it" "don't go too far too fast, let it speak to you".

Below are two photo taken part way through today's session. One is a side view so there is not so much glare from the wet paint.

Grey and white brought in. Some of the large black marks broken up, some scraping back, some straight lines. I want it to be, wait now, I don't want it to be anything, I want to find out what it will be, I want to let it have its secrets... But I'm liking how it is becoming more delicate while still feeling full of movement, at least that's what I see.

Stage 5, front view

Stage 4, side view to minimize glare from the wet paint

Below are two photos from the end of today's session.

More blue introduced, more subtle mark making, more scraping. It looks mushy at the top in the first photo because of the glare. It's a little more bold than this shows, as you can see from the second photo. Hmm, what next? I will leave it and look at it and go back in. It might be a couple of days from now as I have plans for the weekend out of the studio

Stage 6 front view

Stage 6, side view to minimize glare from wet paint

Final thoughts and feelings about this, "ack, It's a mess" then "shut up and leave it alone for a while" then "that right side, not enough weight or something" then "give it some time, wait". It will sit in the kitchen/studio for a few days and it will speak volumes. I have to figure out which sentences to listen to.

What I Am Doing

What am I doing? I asked myself that on Facebook yesterday. So today I thought I would write about that. I'm painting. Painting makes no sense really. I'm not in it for the money or for the career. It actually takes time away from making money or having a career, I've decided. A career might happen, whatever that is, but it's taking its time. Money might happen, and it does occasionally, but not enough to use it as a reason to do what I'm doing. And, that is not what I want. I don't want money to be the reason. I'll take it if it comes though.

My answer to my question is "this is what I'm doing, I'm painting", I'm exploring, I'm living my life the way I want. It's not easy, very few have easy lives. Sometimes it's terrific, sometimes it sucks. No self-help book or rosy outlook will change that. There are things I do that help me get through the sucky though.

Today I painted. I took another older piece, shown in a previous post and I began painting on top of it. I had already reworked it from an even older piece. It still wasn't working for me. I don't know, it was too static, too obvious, not subtle enough, not enough about painting. Lately it's all about the painting and the secret messages that are held in painting and in paintings. I will try to post a photo each day I work on it of how it goes unless that starts to get in the way, or I'm too embarrassed, or I lose my nerve.

Here is where I started today:

Here's where I obliterated enough of the image to be able to carry on. Excuse the glare, wet paint.

Procrastination and Completion

It's Sunday night.  I spent the weekend procrastinating. Sort of.  Yesterday, I managed, after all day, to complete a drawing for a painting I want to do. 

It is from a photo of my mom and my father's mother having a conversation in the living room of my home, for a short while, in Holyrood, Newfoundland.

My mom died when I was 24, and my grandmother many years later.  They had a relationship which I describe as complicated but they probably would not.  There is something about this photo of them that is compelling to me. Maybe it is only that they were so distant from each other in my memory and here they are, in this photo, looking like they have an understanding of a kind and a relationship that is ordinary and maybe even real.

Here is the photo:

I can't believe how wonderful my mother looks. She has had at least 10 of her 11 children at this point.  I know that sounds extreme and over the top and all that but it is true, a reality. 

I am working on making a painting of this. Lately my work has been of landscapes and flowers. This is  so different but every so often I go back to 'the figure' or a "portrait".

We'll see where this goes.  Once I post pre painting, it sometimes doesn't work out because I don't have enough privacy to complete the painting. Maybe it won't be like that this time because, I don't have to finish it, do I? I can just forget about it if it doesn't work out.

Next day:

So, I thought I would post the next stage:  I started the painting on a 12 x 9" Watercolour board in acrylic paint.

Here is the photo of where I got today.  I wonder if I can keep up the tension and the loose way of working without it getting lost. We'll see, I have some day-job type stuff to do tomorrow so may not get back in here but I will try.

Yesterday I only got a couple of hours in the studio to work on this, so not much done.  We'll see if I can get it to work to my satisfaction. Drawing and redrawing as I go. Excited and tense. While pushing through to something new.

Below is the next iteration of the above in progress painting.  I went through the frustrating loss of things and gaining of things, and loss of things again, in the figure in the blue dress (my mom).  I have spent a lot of time trying to bring the right gesture and expression to the head.  It is not there yet.

The wall in back, ah heck, everything needs lots of work. This painting helps me see I have learned lots of things about process in my years of making art, what my friend Nomi calls the "experience of painting".  That's what it's all about for me; what I learn while I paint, about myself, about painting, about materials, about why and what for.

Below is the 4th iteration of the painting. I've spent a lot of time on the figure in blue and need to move away from it for a while and bring up the rest of the painting.  Back and forth, back and forth, until it's as good as I can make it.  I am wanting, at this stage, to keep the drawing aspect in evidence in the end, but not sure that will work so am trying to keep an open mind.

Next.
I worked on the painting for a few hours yesterday. I have to stop after a couple of hours and take a break, or I find myself getting obsessive and tight, then I go back for a couple more hours. A lot of the work so far is about drawing and redrawing the figures in paint and just trying to get it right (according to my understanding).

6th installment of progress on this painting.
The photo below is closer to the right colour than above, above is warmer in colour than the real painting.  At this point I'm feeling the pressure of posting as I'm trying to leave any imagined expectations out of the painting process. That isn't easy, but, it is interesting.  If I can just work and ignore the voices in my head I will have developed just that little bit more.

I was getting stuck, overworking parts, not feeling the gesture so had to turn it to the wall for a couple of days.

There was nothing for it but to paint out the troubling part and start fresh.

After 2 more sessions I brought it back to here (below).  I had to take time away from posting in order to not feel too much pressure to 'get it done'  I'm looking at it at this stage to see what has to be done and what gives enough of the feeling I want without being tampered with.  Tomorrow is another day, perhaps I'll be able to work on it perhaps not (office work, gardening job calling).  

A likeness may be there (though we all see people differently so that may be only for me) but that is not the important thing for me (I know it is not just like the photo, I would have to be a camera for that to happen and I already have a photo. What I'm trying to make is a painting).  I'm not trying to make a likeness. It comes as I work because of the way I'm working.  What's important for me is that it feels right.

This is a tough one and I'm going to work on it till I think it's as good as I can make it (with all its flaws) and move on.  Posting it here has been a great motivator to keep on trying with it. Thank you everybody who commented here and on facebook and to people who shared with their friends. Stay tuned for more painting drama, or, hopefully, not.  Maybe it'll be a breeze from now on!

7th installment:

Below is the painting as of this morning.  I worked on it for 2 afternoons since the last installment.  Getting close.

And today I brought it to here (see below).  I think it maybe as good as I can make it.  I'll sleep on it but it seems to be done.  I will let it go probably and start thinking about the next painting. I have loved working on it. I feel I learned so much doing it online like this. Now I will go back to my hidy hole for a while and come back with something else exciting (at least for me) sometime soon.

Tomorrow I will post it on my small works blog and my website if I still feel it is done. 

Final update:

Below is a slightly better photo of the painting.  It's done, sold, wrapped and ready to go to one of my 4 sisters. Thanks Tish. And thanks everybody for all the feedback and sharing here and on facebook.  I am  happy to have had such lively interaction with friends, family and strangers while making this.  I'm going to do at least one other version, and maybe even some drawings from this to see what I've learned in the process. To make more solid the understandings I've come to.  I'll keep you posted in future blog entries.