Moving on Into the Pink?

I took down my last post, so rainy, sad weathery a post. I'm moving on. Today I get back to my "regular" studio work, and preparing for the trip. The way things are going down in the United States of America, I'm not sure how much I'll feel like going in December. But, it's still in the plan, I'll play it by ear.

Just gonna get to work on what's bursting to get out here in the studio. Fall is such an internal time for me. So, I'm just going to go there in my work.

I think I'll stop posting for a while and see where that brings me. Of course, I might change my mind.

Just rambling on here.

Here is a happy little drawing from the summer.

Dog in the Pink

What I Am Doing

What am I doing? I asked myself that on Facebook yesterday. So today I thought I would write about that. I'm painting. Painting makes no sense really. I'm not in it for the money or for the career. It actually takes time away from making money or having a career, I've decided. A career might happen, whatever that is, but it's taking its time. Money might happen, and it does occasionally, but not enough to use it as a reason to do what I'm doing. And, that is not what I want. I don't want money to be the reason. I'll take it if it comes though.

My answer to my question is "this is what I'm doing, I'm painting", I'm exploring, I'm living my life the way I want. It's not easy, very few have easy lives. Sometimes it's terrific, sometimes it sucks. No self-help book or rosy outlook will change that. There are things I do that help me get through the sucky though.

Today I painted. I took another older piece, shown in a previous post and I began painting on top of it. I had already reworked it from an even older piece. It still wasn't working for me. I don't know, it was too static, too obvious, not subtle enough, not enough about painting. Lately it's all about the painting and the secret messages that are held in painting and in paintings. I will try to post a photo each day I work on it of how it goes unless that starts to get in the way, or I'm too embarrassed, or I lose my nerve.

Here is where I started today:

Here's where I obliterated enough of the image to be able to carry on. Excuse the glare, wet paint.

Drawings, Drawings, Drawings

Sale of work:

8.5 x 11" drawings from my sketch book $50 each.

I've begun updating my Small Works sales blog with sketch book drawings. I may post different sizes in  the future.

Now that I'm a self employed artist again I'm selling these small lighthearted sketches to support the cost of making my larger and more intensively worked pieces that I post regularly to my website at elainemari.com. I think they're kinda funny, while at the same time having a serious side.


Check it out for yourself at Elaine Mari Small Works.

Here is an example:

Is it too late for epiphany?

The show is up.

The opening of the show at the Firehall Arts Centre was great. I was nervous about it, but thanks to all who came out. It was so good to see you see what I've been up to for almost 2 years now, well some of what I've been up to.

Here are some photos:

And some installation shots of the work taken this week:

Control, No Control

Everything is under control. Sort of. Well no, never really. But, good things are happening.

Everything's under control
24 x 18"
oil on mylar

I have a solo show coming up in January of the new paintings. Stoked. If you are a friend or follow me on Facebook you already know that. It’s at The Firehall Arts Centre here in Vancouver. I’ll send you an invitation if you are on my list, if not, and you want one, sign up on the right. Now I have to find a way to pay for all those frames, make the time to frame the work, to do the pre-show outreach… I have to hang the show myself and will have to find someone to help me. Exciting though.

I will post details closer to the date.

And, I’ve been asked to participate in an art project, The Mixed-Media Tapes, that involves artists making recordings about their thoughts on something that interests them, at least that’s my interpretation of the project. I’ve chosen “intuition” as my prompt for this recording. I’ve been developing my skill at following my intuition for a long time now; I’m going to try to talk about that. I googled “intuition”. Google said intuition is receiving input and ideas without knowing exactly how and from where you got them. I have stuff to say about that.

I will keep you informed about the The Mixed-Media Tapes project.

Summer’s over! my place is still full of boxes from the temporary move made in June. Looks like they will be there until after January, and then what would be the point of unpacking, only to re-pack in less than a year. Can’t face it, too many more interesting and necessary things to do. Letting go of that control.

If you want to see a sample of some of the paintings that will be in the show, titled "Today's Lesson Will be in Life", click over to my website. There will be other work in the show as well. 

Where Does it All Lead?

I'm painting again. And here's where it's going.The first is oil on mylar the second is oil on paper. They are small, first one 12 x 9", second one 7 x 101/2". I just re-watched the film Herb and Dorothy. I approach these paintings the way they do collecting. It is something I want to do, enjoy doing, something that gives me deep non-verbal fulfilment. The years of practice, patience, education lead here. Not to greatness but to the ability to do what I want to do.

I Give Up

Now that I'm making a little money on the side, I'm giving myself a break and permission to stop feeling pressured. I'm just painting. Making some paintings whenever I can.

I read this today, it made sense to me.

"And if the work can touch or ignite areas of my psyche that I am not normally aware of, then someone looking at it might come in contact with areas of their psyche that they are not normally aware of. It doesn’t have to be the same areas as mine. The great Italian painters of the past had to illustrate biblical stories to an audience that couldn’t read. Maybe today we need artists to keep us in touch with our visual, non-literal consciousness. In these areas of our consciousness, wars do not start and prejudices do not exist. They are areas of our psyche before the I, me, you, and it."

..Bill Jensen from John Yau interview in Bomb Magazine.

This painting is definitely from non-literal consciousness. You can find more here. The other series is still ongoing but needs something that I'm finding in making these. Throwing myself into it, following its train of not thinking. For now. This might be a bit bright at the bottom. I might need to dull it down. Oh, oh thinking. Well, really, it's feeling, it feels not quite right, but maybe I'll let it live, keep it around, next.

Starry Eyed

12 x 9" oil on prepared paper

And the answer is..

It's quiet here. Just me and the dogs and a room full of paintings/drawings that I'm a bit mystified by. I don't really know what's going on. I keep making these, and they keep not living up to my need. I'm questioning what I'm doing and don't have any answers. Well, I do, really. The answer is "I don't know" and that's always the right answer. I decided a little while ago "that's it, I'll draw out the demons of uncertainty".  Thanks to Lynda Barry's book One Hundred Demons, a gift from my daughter a few years back. This is a room full of demons with a side of uncertainty and happy painting.

Just a start ..harking back to the earlier drawing days, now with oil paint incorporated into the mix of mixed media.

"Help"  24 x 18" mixed media on mylar

Cohere

Here is a photo of one drawing I'm happy with in this new series whose working title is Today's Lesson Will be in Life. It's drawn with oil paint, ink and pencil on matte mylar. I have things travelling through my mind that I am inarticulate about, things that come out in these drawings. When I try to talk about some of the things going on in there I see eyes glazing over.

People tell me they get these and they don't get them. That's a good thing. Just make it up as you go along.

As mentioned in my previous post, right now I'm working on coherence in my art making.

Procrastination and Completion

It's Sunday night.  I spent the weekend procrastinating. Sort of.  Yesterday, I managed, after all day, to complete a drawing for a painting I want to do. 

It is from a photo of my mom and my father's mother having a conversation in the living room of my home, for a short while, in Holyrood, Newfoundland.

My mom died when I was 24, and my grandmother many years later.  They had a relationship which I describe as complicated but they probably would not.  There is something about this photo of them that is compelling to me. Maybe it is only that they were so distant from each other in my memory and here they are, in this photo, looking like they have an understanding of a kind and a relationship that is ordinary and maybe even real.

Here is the photo:

I can't believe how wonderful my mother looks. She has had at least 10 of her 11 children at this point.  I know that sounds extreme and over the top and all that but it is true, a reality. 

I am working on making a painting of this. Lately my work has been of landscapes and flowers. This is  so different but every so often I go back to 'the figure' or a "portrait".

We'll see where this goes.  Once I post pre painting, it sometimes doesn't work out because I don't have enough privacy to complete the painting. Maybe it won't be like that this time because, I don't have to finish it, do I? I can just forget about it if it doesn't work out.

Next day:

So, I thought I would post the next stage:  I started the painting on a 12 x 9" Watercolour board in acrylic paint.

Here is the photo of where I got today.  I wonder if I can keep up the tension and the loose way of working without it getting lost. We'll see, I have some day-job type stuff to do tomorrow so may not get back in here but I will try.

Yesterday I only got a couple of hours in the studio to work on this, so not much done.  We'll see if I can get it to work to my satisfaction. Drawing and redrawing as I go. Excited and tense. While pushing through to something new.

Below is the next iteration of the above in progress painting.  I went through the frustrating loss of things and gaining of things, and loss of things again, in the figure in the blue dress (my mom).  I have spent a lot of time trying to bring the right gesture and expression to the head.  It is not there yet.

The wall in back, ah heck, everything needs lots of work. This painting helps me see I have learned lots of things about process in my years of making art, what my friend Nomi calls the "experience of painting".  That's what it's all about for me; what I learn while I paint, about myself, about painting, about materials, about why and what for.

Below is the 4th iteration of the painting. I've spent a lot of time on the figure in blue and need to move away from it for a while and bring up the rest of the painting.  Back and forth, back and forth, until it's as good as I can make it.  I am wanting, at this stage, to keep the drawing aspect in evidence in the end, but not sure that will work so am trying to keep an open mind.

Next.
I worked on the painting for a few hours yesterday. I have to stop after a couple of hours and take a break, or I find myself getting obsessive and tight, then I go back for a couple more hours. A lot of the work so far is about drawing and redrawing the figures in paint and just trying to get it right (according to my understanding).

6th installment of progress on this painting.
The photo below is closer to the right colour than above, above is warmer in colour than the real painting.  At this point I'm feeling the pressure of posting as I'm trying to leave any imagined expectations out of the painting process. That isn't easy, but, it is interesting.  If I can just work and ignore the voices in my head I will have developed just that little bit more.

I was getting stuck, overworking parts, not feeling the gesture so had to turn it to the wall for a couple of days.

There was nothing for it but to paint out the troubling part and start fresh.

After 2 more sessions I brought it back to here (below).  I had to take time away from posting in order to not feel too much pressure to 'get it done'  I'm looking at it at this stage to see what has to be done and what gives enough of the feeling I want without being tampered with.  Tomorrow is another day, perhaps I'll be able to work on it perhaps not (office work, gardening job calling).  

A likeness may be there (though we all see people differently so that may be only for me) but that is not the important thing for me (I know it is not just like the photo, I would have to be a camera for that to happen and I already have a photo. What I'm trying to make is a painting).  I'm not trying to make a likeness. It comes as I work because of the way I'm working.  What's important for me is that it feels right.

This is a tough one and I'm going to work on it till I think it's as good as I can make it (with all its flaws) and move on.  Posting it here has been a great motivator to keep on trying with it. Thank you everybody who commented here and on facebook and to people who shared with their friends. Stay tuned for more painting drama, or, hopefully, not.  Maybe it'll be a breeze from now on!

7th installment:

Below is the painting as of this morning.  I worked on it for 2 afternoons since the last installment.  Getting close.

And today I brought it to here (see below).  I think it maybe as good as I can make it.  I'll sleep on it but it seems to be done.  I will let it go probably and start thinking about the next painting. I have loved working on it. I feel I learned so much doing it online like this. Now I will go back to my hidy hole for a while and come back with something else exciting (at least for me) sometime soon.

Tomorrow I will post it on my small works blog and my website if I still feel it is done. 

Final update:

Below is a slightly better photo of the painting.  It's done, sold, wrapped and ready to go to one of my 4 sisters. Thanks Tish. And thanks everybody for all the feedback and sharing here and on facebook.  I am  happy to have had such lively interaction with friends, family and strangers while making this.  I'm going to do at least one other version, and maybe even some drawings from this to see what I've learned in the process. To make more solid the understandings I've come to.  I'll keep you posted in future blog entries.